My health has been a bit fragile of late, which means I am down more than I am up. I don’t like to whine about my physical condition, but sitting in a chair causes excruciating sciatic nerve pain. I have been remiss in posting to my blog just because it hurts to sit at my desk. My daily page hits have bottomed out and I am flat lining as a blogger. I must push through the pain and write. To quote grandson Buddy, “I can do this!” I will do this. Seven or eight loyal readers are out there counting on me for their daily dose of Buck ‘n Run. How pitiful is this?
Because I can’t sit in a chair for long, I end up lying down watching television a lot. I like the People’s Court and Judge Judy. I know. I know. I just watch them for the trade school and bail bond commercials. I sometimes wish I had someone to sue so that I could go on Judge Judy and tell her I have a chicken named after her. I can explain that while driving home from buying our first chicks, granddaughter Emily commented that the neck on the naked neck chicken looked like Judge Judy’s. The name stuck. You be the judge!
I don’t have any boyfriends or roommates to sue, so I will have to get creative. If you want to be on Judge Judy with me, just shoot me a line asking to borrow a couple of bucks or have a line added to my cell phone bill. Then don’t pay me back, I’ll sue you and we can offer our catfight to Judge Judy. Actually, I would probably prefer to do the show with a man because then I could hear Judge Judy tell me how stupid I was to loan money or give a cell phone to an idiot. One of us would have to provoke her to say “They don’t keep me here cause I’m gorgeous, they keep me here cause I’m smart” or it wouldn’t even be worth the trip. So, if you need bail money or a cell phone, give me a call and let’s see what we can work out.
I also watch a lot of food programs on television, namely everything on the Food Network, and the Cooking Channel. I have a lot of gripes about the TV chefs and I feel the need to vent.
I joined a Facebook rant about Giada de Laurentis a few weeks ago but my concerns bear repeating. Why does she screw her mouth up into a rectangle when she smiles? Why does she pronounce pancetta “pancheetah”? Why do I always have to worry about a wardrobe malfunction involving her cleavage? Why?
Guy Fierri is one of my favorites and Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives makes me want to buy a red convertible and follow him all over the country. But, lately he has picked up a few habits that make me want to screw my mouth into a rectangle. Most notably is his need to say “cumino” every time a chef says “cumin.” Is he even Hispanic? No. Stop it already. Also, anytime someone adds onions to a hot pan he feels compelled to say “let ’em sweat a little.” Food and sweat are a bad combination. Stop! If you watch as much food TV as I do you will notice lots of other people saying it too. It is contagious.
This brings me to Ina Garten. Now, I love Ina. She has more friends than I could ever have and they seem to be better friends. I have never had a friend who would plant an herb garden for me in exchange for a bowl of soup. None of my friends has ever offered to stand, shivering on the beach, manning a charcoal grill while I marinate steaks in my Hampton’s mansion. If I asked Michael to sit out in the garden reading the paper while I fix lunch he wouldn’t do it. Ina even has a better husband than I do. In Michael’s defense, Jeffery is only home on the weekends so that is less time for him to get on her nerves. Since I bought up the subject of getting on one’s nerves, Ina’s chuckle annoys the hell out of me. Why does she always chuckle when talking to her friends? It sounds very fake. Stop it Ina. The last of my Ina complaints is her need to tell us to use “good” ingredients, i.e good vanilla, good olive oil, good red wine. What? Does she think we all go to the dollar store and look for olive oil with an outdate six months ago? Stop it.
Rachel Ray is in a league of her own. That woman had made up more words than I know. Casseroble? What? Stoup? What? Choup? What the hell? EVOO? Knock it off. Samie? It’s a sandwich Rach. Again, to quote Buddy, “Holy crap.”
My favorite program right now is Chopped. I love this show. They bring on chefs and ask them to create a memorable meal with ridiculous ingredients most of us have never heard of. Then the judges complain that the marshmallow creme just didn’t pair that well with the boar’s snout and licorice. What? But what makes me cringe every time I hear it is the term “cloyingly sweet.” It is over used on Chopped. Don’t ask a chef from Manhattan to combine mutton and gummy bears, only to have you dub it “cloyingly sweet.” Sheesh.
Paula Deen, ’nuff said.
My meds have kicked in and I am mellowing out. I just wanted to share a little of what is going on with me and what makes me throw things at the TV. I will be back tomorrow to share stories of the flora, fauna and food that is the Buck ‘n Run Ranch. If you feel so inclined, please feel free to click on a couple of extra pages. I need the advertising dollars to have my TV fixed and buy a nice cane to replace the shovel handle I am currently using.